How often do we do something on a daily basis which makes us happy? I'm not referring to our working lives but taking time out for ourselves? Time away from the stresses of daily life? To be honest, I can probably count on one hand how many times I've put myself first over the past sixteen months. Becoming a parent definitely has its demands and expectations and I think it's inevitable that as mums we put duty and responsibility ahead of everything else, particularly those of us that choose to stay at home.
I can't say there are that many things I feel I've missed out on since becoming a parent. Sure there's the lack of adult interaction at work and the feeling purposeful but I do enjoy spending time with my son and I'm sure that if I returned to work soon a huge part of me would be filled with guilt and envy at the thought of be losing Rohan to absolute strangers. And naturally I miss the opportunities to socialise with friends and 'me' time but most of these things I can and have learnt to do without.
What I have really been missing (more than a solid night's sleep) is the opportunity to exercise whenever I like, and by exercise I'm talking a solid 90 minute work out. An opportunity to meditate and centre myself. Because yoga is one thing that has the ability to make me truly happy and with every opportunity I have to practice it, I'm reminded of why.
Bikram (I can't speak for any other forms of yoga but I suspect they are much the same) challenges, motivates and humbles me, it quietens my mind (god only know how much this mind needs quietening!), energises me and teaches me patience and restraint. But most of all, when I'm having a really shitty day it has the amazing ability to quash my negative self-talk without me even realising. I'm making it sound like Bikram is a walk in the park. In fact, the opposite is true. If it were easy I don't think it would have quite the same appeal. It's challenging on so many levels but it's the mental barriers I am learning to overcome that are so much more testing than the physical. Despite this, it's been a godsend. It's helped to lift me out of the yearly depression that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It's helped me to monitor my anxiety and it's taught me the importance of a healthy diet. My biggest regret is that since having Rohan I've had neither the energy nor the time/motivation to get back into it. Well all that is about to change. This month I am choosing to commit to something that will put me back on the path to happiness. God only knows it's been a bit of a rocky path of late.
It's not going to be easy and there will be days when the thought of 90 minutes in a 38 degree heated room, staring at my own reflection in the mirror will be hard to stomach. But I know that I can reap so many rewards from this yoga practice and that should be motivation enough. Here's to doing something I have been putting off for way too long - putting my needs first.
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