It's no secret this mum has been doing far more sinking than swimming of late. I've moaned about it on this here blog but I've been at a bit of a loss as to how to go about changing habits and fighting my fears, and where on Earth to begin.
If somebody had told me that for a small(ish) price the utter confusion which has become my existence would cease to be, I'd have pushed past gratefully and dove in searching frantically for that sliver of hope. Who knew that in the tangled recesses of my mind a small light could be found shining? Not me! Well, it would seem lots of things are fine, if not relatively normal. I am alright, albeit a little neurotic and unforgiving, but overall OK.
Sometimes having the guts to ask for help is hard but my want for a better life for you and us is what prompted this first step and I'm glad I put my pride aside and surrendered to the call. Opening up oneself to vulnerability is never an easy task but neither is the heartache of a failed relationship, I'd imagine, which is the road we were headed down.
Motherhood can be downright unbearable without the support of family and friends, the expectations we and society places on us, and toss in a generous dose of loss and you've got a recipe for disaster. It's no wonder the darkness had well and truly descended.
Thankfully though, I can see a light at the end of this (long and windy) tunnel and dare I say, everything just might be OK. As of today I am fully retired from martyrdom. Invincible I am not and asking for help is never a sign of weakness. After all, contentment is not a luck of the draw. The difference between sinking or swimming has little to do with the hardships endured and a lot to do with the support received at the other end. I just hope this little family can find the stamina and devotion to ride out this wave.
