It's been a strange past two years in the friendship department. Sure, I have made friends since Rohan's birth. I have a small group of mothers that I see regularly, one with whom I share a lot in common. I've recently made a good friend through yoga and of course there are my pre-Rohan friendships too. But the closeness I share with all these friends is quite a different closeness from that which I shared with my now ex best friend.
Among these friends there isn't a confidant and we never catch up to exercise or just hang out with or without kids in tow. It's a more subdued friendship in many ways. It's hard to say whether motherhood is responsible for these restrictions or more to do with the fact that I haven't made a really meaningful connection with another person.
What I miss most about my former best friend is the closeness we shared, the knowing how the other was feeling intuitively. I miss the long chats over Skype, sitting down to reply to letters by hand. The frequent texts sent for no other reason than to say hello. The quality of the communication in this friendship was better than any therapy I've had. I know we each had a genuine care for one another. I miss sharing what's on my mind (and feeling like I could do so without being a burden). It's pointless to compare one friendship to another as no two people/circumstances are the same, but how does one look back on a really exceptional friendship without experiencing a sense of nostalgia?
In a perfect world we would turn back the clock, let bygones be bygones and move forward with our friendships as if nothing ever happened. But life isn't perfect, people make mistakes, words are exchanged and feelings hurt. Time passes by and before you know it, a beautiful friendship becomes but a distant memory.
Do we ever really forget those friendships which leave such a mark on us? Is it right to want to erase them entirely from our memory? Two and a half years on, I am still coming to terms with the loss of one such friendship.
